urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction rocked, rolled, behold my epiphanies! pulpdiction 2008-11-27T00:27:04Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:22896 2008-11-27T00:27:04Z 2008-11-27T00:27:04Z last paper ever.<br /><br />one more exam...the end is near. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:22591 2008-11-19T18:32:09Z 2008-11-19T18:32:09Z I think I finally just realized what I want to do with my life.<br /><br />I'm weirded out by the concept, but oddly calm. It's fulfilling. Satisfying even.<br /><br />Wow. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:22025 2008-10-08T19:23:57Z 2008-10-08T19:23:57Z Things Jon Needs To Do This Week<br /><br />- Finish OGS Application (SoI, Scholarships/achievements, etc.)<br />- Finish 4050 Assignment<br />- Finish paper rough draft<br />- Clean laptop keyboard<br />- Call parental units<br />- Figure out rest of life<br />- Drink heavily urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:21977 2008-10-06T23:18:18Z 2008-10-06T23:40:32Z <del>- Email Gary with .doc version of paper</del> (done, 7:25pm)<br />- Burn code snippits to a CD for gary<br /><del>- Email Kremer for OGS reference</del> (done, 7:40pm)<br />- Email x other profs for OGS reference<br />- Print off OGS information and prepare to send it in (due october 14th)<br />- Finish next section on paper<br />- Download freelance documents to my USB key so I can edit them tomorrow at home<br />- cry some more urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:21737 2008-10-03T19:27:57Z 2008-10-03T19:27:57Z Today I:<br /><br />- Wore a sweatervest without sweating through it thanks to my high-tech new perscription antipersperant<br />- Ate a fantastic breakfast with my lovely girlfriend and some of my awesome friends<br />- Had a stellar day at work where nothing actually went wrong for once<br />- Hooked myself up with a freelance job that pays 3 bucks more than the advertised price thanks to my 'extensive experience' on the topic of Microsoft Word<br />- jenn and i are getting foodz and winez<br /><br />best.<br /><br />day.<br /><br />ever.<br /><br />so far. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:21313 2008-10-01T18:23:09Z 2008-10-01T18:23:09Z Wow...installing wordpress on a server is disgustingly easy.<br /><br />I'm a little weirded out by the simplicity, to be honest. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:21128 2008-09-27T03:12:20Z 2008-09-27T03:12:20Z I love it when the news media picks up on a trend largely started by a foreign video hitting youtube.<br /><br />CTV or CBS news (I cannot remember which) ran a story tonight on the chilling new development plaguing our kids and causing them to die...longboarding.<br /><br />I'm not one to point out media bias in things anymore...we all took media class in high school, we all can read the signs, but this piece of honest journalism was fearmongering at its best. Let's have a breakdown:<br /><br />1. Anchor introduces longboarding as "risky" and "has the potential for injury". Video shows footage of German longboarder flying down the autobahn. Cuts to reporter on the scene.<br /><br />2. Reporter stands in a park holding a <a href="http://skullskates.com/catalog/images/souldier_board.jpg">Skull skates Souldier</a> longboard. Be advised, this longboard is NOT a racing desk. It's a transition deck. I rode one once. They're nice, but fucked if I'd take it down a hill. He then begins to discuss how "Riding in the park here is safe, but its when it hits the streets that it gets dangerous".<br /><br />3. Cut to footage of kids bombing hills at night sliding through turns. A voiceover discusses how these hooligans "Take to the streets under the cloak of darkness, posing a danger to both themselves and motorists".<br /><br />4. Cut to "Matty", who did not want to give his name. Rather than have him discuss the enjoyable parts of longboarding, we hear him discuss the long list of injuries he's sustained, since he obviously has no idea what he's doing. <br /><br />5. Cut to a shot of a police constable filling out a clip board on the back of a police car. He comments "Longboarding related issues are few and far between, but it's still a big problem and a big risk". Generally, if I'm trying to convince the public that this behaviour is risky and that it will KILL THEIR CHILDREN INSTANTLY IF THEY SET FOOT ON A BOARD, my opening statement would not be to mention that issues with longboarders are, in fact, <i>few and far between</i>.<br /><br />6. Cut back to reporter talking about speeds in excess of 60 km/hour on your toronto streets.<br /><br />7. Cut back to Matty, who states that anyone not wearing full leathers, a full face helmet, full pads and all other protective gear should not try some routes. Thank you Matty.<br /><br />8. Cut to a video of some of the Earthwing boys holding a slide session in NY. One of them smacks their head on a parked car. Reporter voiceovers the horrible accident, yet does not show the 10 seconds later portion of the video in which the victim is fine because he wore a helmet. Then cut to another youtube video of kids butt-boarding down devil's asscrack (I think). Use this as a segue to discuss how kids are reckless and stupid.<br /><br />9. Cut to footage of a park where an older gentleman is skating. He is described as an "Old Timer" who is an authority on skateboarding because he has been doing it for a long time and because he is old, and therefore we should listen to him. He also has a beard. The reporter asks him about safety, and he states that "Longboarding can be safe, but it can also be dangerous". We also see his mouth moving as the sound fades out, which indicates that he had at least six seconds more of information to dispell on us that CBS or CTV has chosen to ignore from their token "Aged authority" on the subject.<br /><br />10. Cut back to Anchor, who says 'wow' and moves onto a story about old people dying in hospitals.<br /><br />Thank you CTV or CBS. I appreciate the fact that you:<br /><br />a) assumed that all longboarders are retarded, out to ruin traffic for life, and ride naked, covered in broken glass in hopes of hurting themselves more.<br /><br />b) showing that rather than research topics, it's much easier to grab videos off youtube and show how net-savvy you are.<br /><br />c) completely glossed over the fact that different boards have different purposes, and that skateboarding is not a pidgeonhole issue. Cruiser boards are not downhill boards. Sliding is not strictly longboarding. Downhill videos from Germany are not applicable to garage runs in Toronto.<br /><br />d) using your youthful, 'hip' resource to discuss the injuries he's sustained, and how everyone who longboards should be covered in bubble-wrap, while using your older, more mature and thus more trustworthy source to promote a 'stay alert, stay safe' moral lesson. I truly feel that my generation has been pandered to.<br /><br />e) ignoring any positive effects of longboarding, like the open environment, encouraging people, meet-ups like the board meeting that encourage creativity and fun.<br /><br />f) generally generalizing in a general way so that the general public can be generally afraid of this generally scary general-purpose hell-activity.<br /><br /><br /><br />People ask why I only get basic cable. It's because if I got more television, I might be inclined to watch it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:20900 2008-09-25T15:58:39Z 2008-09-25T15:58:39Z Today i finished my first 'assignment' of my final semester.<br /><br />I had to present, using powerpoint slides, on myself, my area of application, and my potential thesis topics for the term paper I have to write.<br /><br />After four years of software development courses in which students who put far more time into daily coding than i do make applications that are thousands of times prettier and more functional than my own, I decided to fight back in the only way I know how.<br /><br />I decided to set the bar for presentations. And I did. Students said so. The prof said that even though I talk to fast, I am a <i>great</i> speaker. And I have the potential to improve that. I can be better, and that is always important.<br /><br />The feedback I received was not perfect. I spoke too fast at some points, and my examples were slightly lacking. I should have focused more on this instead of that. But I covered every point that the professor wanted in detail with examples, and used images to my advantage. I was clear, timely and interactive. I could have used sounds, but nothing was detracted by not having them. <br /><br />I stood at the front of everyone with my presentation remote in hand and decimated the class average for this component of our course.<br /><br />And the best part? Presentation slides all had to be handed in on Tuesday. We can make changes to our spoken presentation, but not our visuals. And the visuals are what we are getting marked on.<br /><br />We are not able to learn from others mistakes. This is not iterative. The folks who go on the last day have to stick with what they handed in on the first day. There is no chance for change, no chance to fix the wrongs that we know we have committed based upon the failures of others to stand up to scrutiny. I went first, and I am exceptionally pleased.<br /><br />I realize another ego trip from the mouth of Jon is neither necessary, nor really wanted, bu sometimes a motherfucker has to gloat. I rocked that presentation, and I'm proud of it.<br /><br />BOOYEAH. Let's get slammed tonight. Then get breakfast tomorrow.<br /><br />- Jon urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:20644 2008-09-19T21:42:54Z 2008-09-20T04:43:41Z <a name="cutid1"></a><br /><br />EDIT: I put this behind a cut because it's fucktard long.<br /><br />There are some things in your life that you expect to remain static no matter where you go, and no matter how long you've been gone for. I remember in high school, being part of a distinct group of men known as the Fancy Lads. Taylor, Dan, Mike and myself would don blazers and storm the Velvet Elvis every Monday night to hear Open Mic with Glen Bensley. Before that became a ritual, Tristan and I would treat it as our safe house, and Glen as our listening ears.<br /><br />Mike moved off to Peterborough, and Taylor moved to Toronto when I moved to Guelph. After a little while, Dan moved out to Alberta, and even though Taylor and Mike and I keep in touch, it's still tough sometimes to really know what's going on.<br /><br />Then last winter I heard that the Velvet Elvis closed down. I don't know the specifics, but I do know that Lisa was fighting a losing battle with the surrounding houses for the last few years since we were always too noisy. I'll never forget that bar because it was the only place that would ever let us in when we were 17. I heard Broken Social Scene there for the first time and it changed my life. I felt safe there, and it was always our place of refuge. When my folks didn't know where to find me, they found me there. I went back every time I could get back to Oshawa, but those visits got too few and far between, and then it was gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye. Tristan was the only one there when it went up the ghost...I regret not going back more.<br /><br />Today I learned that Glen Bensley has passed away. It's all gone now, and I never realized how hard that would hit me.<br /><br />I met Glen when my uncle drafted me into helping his friend move. We moved Glen from a house out in the middle of nowhere Peterborough (i think?) down to an apartment above a coffee shop in Bowmanville. He mentioned he ran open mic nights at a bar called the Hare and the Hound on Sundays, which turned into the Velvet Elvis on Mondays. I would have never stepped foot in the Velvet Elvis had it not been for him.<br /><br />He always wore red converse one-stars, drank straight triples of gin washed down with a bottle of whatever was cheap and domestic and he played guitar better than anyone I have ever met. He taught kids at one of the music stores in town, but always said he didn't like it because it seemed too forced. None of the kids really seemed to care about it...he really liked people who wanted to learn and really wanted to get better.<br /><br />Every Monday I would skate down to the Velvet Elvis, usually meeting up with several other miscreants along the way, and we'd drink coffee (and sometimes beer) and listen to music until we all had to go home because school started early the next morning.<br /><br />Glen was in his 40s (50s? he was ageless) when I met him and I was a confused, stupid 17 year old. What always struck me about him was that he never treated me like one.<br /><br />None of us were just stupid 17 year olds. Our petty relationship, parental and money problems were just as important to his ears as the woes of anyone else in that bar. He talked to us like adults, and more than that he treated us like adults, which nobody else really wanted to do at the time. To our parents we were too young to be making life decisions, but too old to be making the mistakes we were. To our teachers, we were just untrained, unwashed masses to be generalized and pigeonholed into career choices by our 'guidance' counselors.<br /><br />To Glen we were people, adults, <i>friends</i>. I hazard to say that even though I never mentioned it, Glen had a bigger impact on my life than probably anyone I met during that time. He listened, and he never judged us, which is what we really needed. He had a song called "Wind Blows Over the Mountains" that always brought tears to my eyes because we were all so close to leaving for university. It was about friendship lasting forever, but never coming back. And I'm sad to say that we didn't come back nearly often enough. He also had a love song about chickens, and a song called "Shepard's Pie" that he named after what he was eating for dinner one night. He asked what to call a new song, I shouted out that title, and so it was.<br /><br />Glen, I realize an immature livejournal post won't reach you any better than screaming at the sky and hoping that my words some how penetrate all the years I neglected to call on you when I was back in Oshawa and took you for granted, but I hope you can understand how big of an effect you had on my life.<br /><br />Few people truly have a refuge in high-school, and we were lucky enough to have both a refuge, and someone who listened to us and played music to take our minds off how anxious we all were. Thank you for listening. Thank you for being a catalyst to the person I am today. I feel good about myself, and I owe a lot of that to you. Thank you for being my friend.<br /><br />- Jon<br /><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:20417 2008-09-19T17:59:40Z 2008-09-19T17:59:40Z i just applied to graduate.<br /><br />i really don't know what to say. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:20197 2008-09-08T13:29:46Z 2008-09-08T13:29:46Z and i'm not as stubborn as i seem<br />said the knuckle to the concrete urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:19809 2008-09-07T19:13:53Z 2008-09-07T19:13:53Z "Are there any other floors in this place?"<br /><br />Nope...the five floors you saw above this clearly not bungalo-building are just there for magic. Sorry...we didn't mean to deceive you.<br /><br />It wouldn't be so bad if it hadn't been asked by like 3 people in the last two weeks. Open your eyes? urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:19601 2008-09-07T17:20:35Z 2008-09-07T17:20:35Z oh boy. school has started.<br /><br />I'm entering this, my final semester, with a mixed bag of emotions. Bottom line is, people are leaving. Some of my friends and closest comrades have graduated, and several have moved away entirely.<br /><br />The loss of Nathan to the list of people I see daily comes as a heftier blow than I had anticipated. It just doesn't feel...right, I guess. There's always that innate feeling that when you fall in with a pack of people, you'll all graduate at the same time and all magically find yourselves in the same place forever, ameh.<br /><br />Maybe that's a bit too boy-meets-world for everyone's liking, but god damn it, I wasn't prepared for this. When people stuck around after high-school and did another semester it was cool because <i>the majority</i> of us left to do other things, and that was okay. As long as everyone explodes a the same time, that's kosher.<br /><br />Now I'm on the other end, and the explosion is progressing a lot more slowly. Here and there, people leave, but on the whole it's disorganized. I don't like it. It scares me.<br /><br />Furthermore, my shifts suck for this term. Weekends are no longer my 'fun time' since I now work Saturday nights and Sunday mornings. Top that off with some lethally offensive new people working at the desk, and I get the vibe it's not going to be a stellar year for any of us, let alone the staff who braved the harshest summer in common record.<br /><br />oh well, life, as it were, will soldier on.<br /><br />Academically, this semester is looking pretty solid. My much-feared CIS*4000 class is turning out to be actually rather enjoyable/jovial, which was a huge step up from what I figured would happen. Go me.<br /><br />Advanced Computer Architectures looks pretty much as predicted, but with the bright side that there is no required textbook. Thus far I have spent 0 dollars on textbooks, and I am a-okay with that.<br /><br />I've also started kicking it to the gym every monday, wednesday and friday at 8:30am. Anyone who cares to join me is welcome to do so. Should be a romping good time. I just hit the cardio room, really. I need to burn off some chub before I decide to start turning chub into muscle. Bonk.<br /><br />So anyway...I'm going to go do some work on my webbensite. Talk to you all later.<br /><br />- Jon urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:19085 2008-09-04T12:39:56Z 2008-09-04T12:39:56Z i'm a super-huge fan of the fact that when the projector in a classroom is broken, the professor simply cannot begin his lecture until its fixed.<br /><br />I've sat here for 10 minutes watching buttons get pushed.<br /><br />this semester is going to be stellar. if god is willing, these notes will be online and i can never fucking come here again. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:18824 2008-08-31T01:26:47Z 2008-08-31T01:26:47Z today i made my last undergraduate tuition payment aside from the mundane 30 dollar application to graduate fee.<br /><br />so begins my road to $35,000 debt recovery. may god have mercy on my soul. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:18667 2008-08-30T00:01:57Z 2008-08-30T00:01:57Z today i registered www.ohsnap.ca<br /><br />i feel like god. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:18373 2008-08-29T14:18:42Z 2008-08-29T14:18:42Z the good, the bad, the mediocre.<br /><br />Felt like shit last night...sorry if I dissapointed with Jenn and I's no-show on Nathan's party platter. I just didn't really feel up to leaving the house, since I felt more like throwing up my lunch than my hands.<br /><br />This week has been long and tedious, and it's probably not going to stop until school starts. I literally work every day for the next week and a half in some capacity (some days are training, but it's still work) and I'm exceptionally jealous that Jenn has the next week off come monday.<br /><br />That being said, I don't envy her situation for this weekend. Getting in at 11:30pm and having to get up for 8am the next day is a piss off of epic proportions, but at least it's her last shift. Beers will be drank. Stay tuned.<br /><br />I finally figured out a project to work on for fall, so I'm pretty happy about that. I'm going to stop by my old profs office today and pick up a development board, and hopefully get started tonight if I can, tomorrow if I can't. He also may have me work on some labs for him for future courses, which feels really good. This man is not just a prof, he's an <i>engineering prof</i> and he wants me to work on his shit. I'm honored like mad.<br /><br />Apart from that, I've basically spent the last week either at work or lounging around the house with Jenn-lo now that she's on days. It's been a long summer, and I regret having to say I'm glad it's over, but I really am glad it's done. It's been stressful, and not really all that I expected it to be, so to return to a semi-routene academic existence will be a welcome change from the random hours I've been working thus far in the lab.<br /><br />I'll probably start another blog tonight to reference my project work, but it's not really imperative to my life that everyone read it. I just need somewhere to document feelings of accomplishment. Maybe I might even post PICTURES WHOLY CRABS.<br /><br />That is, of course, providing I accomplish anything, which will be telling.<br /><br />Anyway, I brought a microwave dinner that is in serious need of nuking and consumption before I begin my long, drawn out day of adventure and mystery.<br /><br />Lates homies. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:17964 2008-08-26T16:48:27Z 2008-08-26T16:48:27Z skating to work whilst listening to the Amelie soundtrack is my new guiltiest of guilty pleasures.<br /><br />damn that felt <i>good</i>.<br /><br />p.s. today has been a fantastic day...and there is really no good reason for it. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:17718 2008-08-24T20:21:31Z 2008-08-24T20:21:31Z The last few weeks have been a bit of a blur, but I can't argue that they've been pretty solid.<br /><br />On Tuesday, Jenn and I headed to the big T to check out the Ex. We didn't get ride passes, which I regret, but highlights included: Tiny Tom doughnuts, buying a hookah (which didn't actually work when we tested it at home), 5 dollar hoodies, cheap books about alcohol, tasty foods, the Tilt-A-Whirl, corndogs, waffle sandwiches, and little Russian dolls. <br /><br />After the Ex we headed up to Fran's and met Taylor and his girlfriend. Eggs benedict later and we were on the bus home, feet killing us.<br /><br />The rest of the week has been spent getting some much needed R&R and planning things out for next semester. I dropped my ENGG course, which although it should feel like defeat, feels pretty god damned satisfying.<br /><br />I was really only taking it because it was a hardware design course, but my thesis this summer taught me that I really, really don't like hardware design and that the tedious of it is just not right for me. It's forced me to re-evaluate a lot of what I had planned for grad school and, in turn, the workforce experience, but I think it was worthwhile.<br /><br />It's allowed me to really focus my attention on what courses (or course, specifically) meant the most to me in my last 2 years, and because of that I bought myself a textbook relating to real-time software development and plan to start up a few personal projects to pad my resume for when I apply to grad school, or failing that, apply to the job market.<br /><br />Speaking of my thesis, after having my lower digestive system duplicated by the second-reader of my paper, I was relieved to find that my original mark still stood firm, a humbling 95%. CIS marks tend to be overinflated compared to other programs, but I worked pretty damn hard on that project and gave up a lot of myself to get it as far as I did, so in the end I actually felt I deserved my high mark for once as opposed to wondering if there had been some mistake.<br /><br />It was a nice surprise, and has restored a bit of my faith in myself that I might just be able to pull off this whole "grad school" thing in one piece, especially since the thought of entering the work force straight out of the gate is both terrifying, and slightly nauseating. <br /><br />The rest of the week has mellowed out into hanging out with friends and playing video games. Alex was here for a few days, so he, Wilson, Jenn and myself watched Death Race 2000 (the original, with sly "i slap bitches" stallone in the drivers seat) on Thurday night and the two of us hung out on Friday playing games at the library while Jenn went to work and Wilson decided on his weekend plans.<br /><br />The last two days have been spent equally divided between housework/pre-fall semester schoolwork purging (fuck you homework from 3 years ago) and playing Team Fortress 2.<br /><br />I've logged about 9 hours of TF2 and I'm not ashamed to say I'll probably log a few more before the week is over. It's pretty addicting, and The Orange Box is probably the best gift I've received in a very, very long time. It was pretty thoughtful, and Jenn totally could have spent that 45 bucks on something much nicer for herself.<br /><br />That being said, I'm not complaining. My page worth of achievements has been well worth it, and I have to say it's nice to be back in the heart of online gaming. I missed these days, and I haven't really dove into something like this since CS in high school, and that was too short lived.<br /><br />Back to fragging. Later all,<br /><br />- J urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:17594 2008-08-14T14:56:34Z 2008-08-14T14:56:34Z <a href="http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/alice_miles/article4517692.ece">This woman</a> is my new hero.<br /><br />seriously...LA did it right by spending like 30 bucks on the whole shebang. Considering Montreal just finished paying off their stadium a decade ago (three decades after it was completed, which was still after the olympics were finished) then i think there are better ways we can spend our money. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:17323 2008-08-13T13:12:26Z 2008-08-13T13:12:26Z i HATE people who always look like they're in a rush to accomplish very little.<br /><br />some dweebnut just walked by my office in Reynolds...i know him, but he will remain nameless.<br /><br />Hey...(deepbreath)...(deepbreath)...(deepbreath)...can't talk...gotta run...(deepbreath)...(deepbreath)...(deepbreath)...(stops to smalltalk with prof for like...10 minutes).<br /><br />seriously...fuck you. your self-absorbed "if i run places and look hurried, i'll look important!" routine isn't all that cool, and just makes you look like a douchebag that doesn't know how to set his alarm. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:16939 2008-08-08T13:53:30Z 2008-08-08T14:05:26Z some overweight, knuckle-dragging douchebag is sitting directly across from me drinking a monster energy drink (which he cracked open the second the clock struck 8:30) head-bobbing to his gangsta rap, and sighing loudly whenever he turns a page in whatever assignment he's reading over.<br /><br />He also has his macbook out, completely unused yet turned on, and just tried three times (unsuccessfully) to sink his muffin-wrapper in the garbage can located three feet from him. now he's trying to make small talk with me. yes, it does seem slightly darker in here. maybe your immense marshmallow man ego is blocking out the sun.<br /><br />every few minutes he takes his ear phones out and cranks it up, presumably so the whole library can hear his thug lyfe. as he wears a polo shirt and green shorts.<br /><br />we wonder why everyone hates white people.<br /><br />edit: ladies and gentlemen, we are on monster energy drink number 2 in less than 2 hours. seriously, was little billy boardshorts up too late drift racing and club hopping with DMX or something? because i'm really feeling "i should have studied last night, but instead i levelled up my undead rogue" on this one. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:16798 2008-07-30T18:20:47Z 2008-07-30T18:20:47Z so, yesterday was a landmark day in a number of ways.<br /><br />for one, my friend Tim finally finished his undergrad degree, having done his dissertation and defended his thesis to the bitter end. congrads to him, and congrads to him on successfully chugging a bear without passing out shortly after. tim is lovely, but not known for holding his booze terribly well. kudos.<br /><br />it also marked the day i finally see a John Cusack film I'm not 100% satisfied with. War, Inc was good, but in its attempt to be a doonsbury-esque slapstick portrayal of corporate influence in world conflict, a grim representation of war-torn middle east, and a sensationalized representation of modern sex-fuelled popular culture, it ends up a jack of all trades and a master of none.<br /><br />The cheesier moments didn't help balance out the underlying violence of the situation, and the battlefield scene of droves of locals being mowed-down by helicopter fire couldn't really be un-done by the idea of Cusack riding a now-blinded Ben Kingsley and his electric scooter into a conference room to break up the wedding of his newly-discovered pop-star daughter Yonica and her middle-eastern oil-baron-son fiancee.<br /><br />It's like the movie just couldn't decide what it wanted to be, so it decided to be everything and suck at it. A really funny film in principle, with some seriously fantastic moments (a goldenpalace.com logo on a tank, for instance) falls unfortunately short of being something great by just trying too hard to put as much slapstic social commentary as possible into one two hour stretch. it's like if the folks who did "scary movie" decided to parody CNN instead of a boatload of crappy, modern horror films.<br /><br />I give it two and a half stars out of a possible 5. i liked it, but not enough to name my kid Yonica or anything.<br /><br />so, in short, ham.<br /><br />- Jon urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:16394 2008-07-29T01:44:43Z 2008-07-29T01:44:43Z <font size="20"><a href="http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=47129">MTV can fuck right off</a></font> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:pulpdiction:16105 2008-07-26T18:49:30Z 2008-07-26T18:49:30Z i simply refuse, despite the listing on imdb, and the wikipedia article, that the same man who played Commissioner Gordon, and Sirius Black also once played Sid fucking Vicious in the biopic "Sid and Nancy".<br /><br />gary oldman? you sir, are a god among men.